Change therapy for homosexuals is a controversial issue.  Several recent cases have been reported to Family Fellowship leaders and so this website material has been prepared to unify a series of relevant statements from 

We hope to provide responsible personal experiences by homosexuals, family members, and therapists who have dealt with issues of reparative or reorientation therapy. An example of the kind of personal experience that has come to our attention is the case of a young returned missionary who has reported his experience in undergoing extensive and expensive reparative therapy which deprived him of his savings for going to college. We have met this man and found him to be sincere and credible. The therapy he describes, which was extreme in its techniques, occurred in 1995 as the result of a referral from Evergreen, a group of professed ex-gay Mormons who affiliate with the Christian Right on this issue. His therapist was so disturbed by the destructive aspects of this man's therapy that he has reported the case to the American Psychological Association. This young man, who has served as Elders Quorum President in his ward in the recent past, feels certain that the kind of therapy he received is still being practiced on Latter-day Saint homosexuals. Jayce's therapy as reported in a newspaper account  is included here as well as an interview on his experience  to illustrate the tragic nature of such misguided therapy.  Another recent case, Mike Summer's therapy, is also included. These two cases are not typical of the usual therapy which Evergreen members participate in, but these reports are disturbing, nonetheless, and seem to tie in some way to Evergreen.

Members within Family Fellowship are frequently approached by those seeking information about reparative therapy. Often, those who come with questions are deeply conflicted between their own experience and the encouragement they receive from others, including from Church leaders, to change their sexual orientation. Not infrequently, such conflict leads to self-destructive behavior including suicide.  Stuart Matis, was such a young man and our discussions with him are reported herein.

Currently there is much confusion and misinformation regarding reparative and reorientation therapy. On the one side, the American Psychiatric Association and the vast majority of practicing psychotherapists (including many Latter-day Saint therapists) believe that such therapy is often inappropriate and sometimes unethical. As of 1999 the APA cites an absence of scientific support for such therapy but there is evidence that it can be damaging. On the other side are a group of organizations and therapists who advocate change and suggest there is evidence to support their position. Among such groups is Evergreen, an organization within the Mormon community, and among such therapists are some Latter-day Saints. Although there is much controversy regarding the issue of change, those within Family Fellowship who have added relevant statements to this material take the position, based

"Most therapists recognize that not all homosexuals have the same degree of homosexual attraction."

on careful and comprehensive evaluation of the arguments and evidence presented on both sides and based on the experience of a large number of Latter-day Saint homosexuals and their families, that, at least for the majority of homosexuals, significant change is not possible. Bisexuals, especially married ones, may be helped, but even there they will generally continue to experience same sex attractions.  We feel in principle that this position is not at variance with that of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which has moved from a position of strongly advocating change to admitting that change may not be possible for all homosexuals. The most recent authoritative statement (Elder Oaks, Ensign, 1995) on this issue does not specifically recommend change therapy. We deplore the way these other non-authoritative sources are tormenting our young Mormons. We think there is much to suggest that change or reparative therapy is destructive, especially for those who are not married.  When we learned of the two recent cases cited above, we determined that these cases should be reported to church leaders, who, like us, were shocked to learn that such therapy is still being promoted in a way that implies church support.

Using the collective wisdom of professional therapists, parents, and priesthood leaders who have had experience counseling with homosexuals, we have decided to be more public in our position on change therapy and more proactive in providing information, assistance and support to those homosexual Latter-day Saints and their families who are dealing with this issue.  At the outset, we think it would be helpful to clarify that "change" is a vague word.  In some of their advertising, Evergreen says they can offer support to those going through a transition (change) from homosexuality to heterosexuality. We suggest that it is clearly misleading to infer that such total change is possible.  As one prominent Mormon psychiatrist has reported to us, sexual orientation comes from susceptibilites beyond volitional control and it becomes largely immutable sometime between 15-20 years of age.  So if same sex attraction is strongly present, and we are talking about something that is persistent beyond  a limited episode of youthful experimentation, then one can expect the attraction to be permanent beyond that age range.  So when we talk about significant change not being possible, we mean a change from homosexual to heterosexual.  What we have found is that the people who talk about their Evergreen or change therapy experiences often are really talking about a change from addictive behavior to non-addictive behavior.   Some may also use the word "change" when they talk about learning to become faithful in their marriages or gaining self esteem.  It is certainly possible to change some attitudes and behaviors relative to sexual attraction, but these changes should not be confused with change in orientation.  We applaud attitude and behavior changes as long as in the process people understand that adult same sex feelings do not disappear and even if they diminish somewhat the person needs to be helped to accept such feelings, rather than being taught to hate them.

Family Fellowship receives a number of inquiries about change therapy from homosexuals, parents, family members, and priesthood leaders. The following questions, along with our answers, are typical:

John writes: I'm wondering about the controversy over whether gays can change or not. I'm 18...just out of high school...and as a good Mormon guy I'd like to go on a mission and get married in the temple. But I have no interest yet in dating girls and I find other guys very attractive.
 

John, you are right to identify this as a "controversy" since there are competing theories about the possibility of homosexuals changing their orientation. Some contend that change is possible and recommend various therapies to effect change. One of the things that complicates the debate over this issue is that those advocating change tend to place all homosexuals into a single category. We believe that it is much more complex than this, that there is a range of orientations between purely heterosexual and purely homosexual. Most therapists recognize that not all homosexuals have the same degree of homosexual attraction. Most therapists believe that those who might be classified as bisexuals have more choice in emphasizing one side or the other of their sexual duality. The majority of these therapists contend that for a person who has a strong, definite and singular attraction to the same sex, significant change is not possible. Based on our extensive experience in working with homosexuals over the past several decades, we believe that for such homosexuals change to heterosexuality is not possible and that entering into reparative or reorientation therapy can have negative consequences.

We encourage you to become informed on this issue before making a decision as to the course of action best suited for you. We suggest you read a number of items we have linked to this document including a fair and balanced web site on so-called reparative, reorientation or conversion therapy which contains material on both sides of the issue as prepared by an organization committed to religious tolerance from Ontario, Canada. Within the Religious Tolerance summary on therapy you can also find the position of the APA and other professional organizations, and a variety of other references and sources you might find helpful. We would also be pleased to put you in touch with a Latter-day Saint therapist familiar with these issues who might be able to help you understand what course of action is best for you.

In the process of this study you no doubt will come across an article which appeared in the Ensign in September of 

Jennifer, an LDS mom, writes: Our daughter has just told us she is a lesbian. This has been very confusing for us because we love our daughter and yet we are also good members of the Church. When we have sought guidance as to whether our daughter can get help in becoming "straight," we have been given conflicting advice. We are wondering if there is anything that we can do to help her change back into being a normal person.

Jennifer, we understand how challenging it can be for parents to learn that they have a homosexual child. Many of us in Family Fellowship are familiar with the experience you are currently going through. We would be happy to put you in touch with other Latter-day Saint parents who have wrestled with the same problems you are facing. As to your question about changing your daughter "back into being a normal person," it is our belief that your daughter has most likely always had same-sex feelings. She probably recognized these feelings from an early age and found them frightening, or at least confusing. Like most homosexuals, she probably tried to deny that she had these feelings and covered them up.

We don't know all of the reasons why one person is born with opposite-sex and another with same-sex

"Most psychotherapists no longer think of homosexuals as being "abnormal," and most do not believe homosexuals can be "fixed.""

orientations. The causes may be multiple, we simply do not know. Most psychotherapists no longer think of homosexuals as being "abnormal," and most do not believe homosexuals can be "fixed." We recommend that you talk to your daughter about your feelings and try to understand hers. Sometimes it is helpful to have a therapist to help you talk through your feelings. We also encourage you to become more informed about homosexuality in general and about change therapy as summarized in the Religious Tolerance summary.

Since there are a number of Latter-day Saint parents who have had experiences similar to yours, we enclose links which will allow you to read the experiences of parents who have dealt with this issue. We would also be pleased to put you in touch with some who are willing to share their experiences with you if you simply write to us via email at WattsFF@aol.com.

One thing you've probably already noticed is that there are people who strongly align with one side or the other of this issue. Some individual therapists and groups, such as Evergreen, are strongly committed to the proposition that therapy can help gay and lesbian persons "transition" to heterosexuality if they really want to change. These groups tend to focus on certain theories about gay men having poor relationships with their fathers and with males in general. They also propose that lesbians almost universally were sexually abused by men and that this abuse makes these women gravitate toward women as a defensive strategy. Many people, however, consider these groups to be misguided in their efforts to "transition" homosexuals. We think they can help reduce feelings slightly and maybe improve self esteem, but as parents and professionals of the alternate persuasion (no substantial change in orientation possible) we tend to insist that no one in our society initially finds being gay an attractive proposition and that if people could change they would. Whatever you may ultimately decide about this, we think there are a few things you should be made aware of as newcomers to this scene which have become evident to us as we've observed this situation over time.

CONSISTENT REPORTS OF POOR THERAPY OUTCOMES.   First, we have noticed that there seem to be a large number of gay Mormon men (and a few women) who have attempted this therapy over the years and found it was ineffectual.
 

• Most Mormons try mightily to change their orientation over time because our culture and our way of life are so unfriendly to the gay or lesbian person. They use various strategies for this. Some go on missions, most fast and pray for long periods of time, most devote themselves to service or to God; and many try a variety of therapy techniques. An example of this is reported by Tony Collette, who served on the original board of directors for Family Fellowship. We have also included typical statements by several others  (Ryan Nay, Lee Olsen,) who provide articulate summaries of their experiences with therapy.

• Further, we include here a report on a survey of 100 persons attending a conference for gay and lesbian Mormons. There were 75% who reported attempts to change which lasted on average 11 years, 65% counseled with an average of 3.3 church leaders, 40% went to LDS Social Services for therapy an average of 9 sessions, and 50% went for other counseling an average of 18 sessions. Only nine percent of the participants reported a decrease in thoughts of same sex attraction and only 18% reported a decrease in behavior although the details of behavior change were not elicited.  The majority reported no change at all.

NO SCIENTIFIC SUPPORT FOR THERAPY.    Second, we have not found anyone who can support these procedures on the basis of scientifically plausible information, nor can they show proven therapy outcomes that go beyond minor reductions in the intensity of feelings.

• The American Psychiatric Association 1999 statement on this issue states there is no scientific evidence supporting the efficacy of this treatment but there is evidence of damage from this therapy.  It is true that various reports have appeared suggesting that small changes have occurred.  We take it that the APA either does not find these research reports persuasive or that they dismiss them as involving only small changes and not an actual transition to heterosexuality.

• As a recent example of the lack of support for these methods, on May 20, 2000 the author of the religious tolerance web site on reorientation therapy attempted to contact all web sites that are part of a resource list on "Gay Change." There were 36 such sites. Four sites returned an error message, two were discontinued sites, and two did not publish an email address. The author then sent a survey to the remaining 28 sites asking for information on the success of their therapy. Seven replies were received, four of which stated they had no results to report because  they kept no records or they met with clients only a short time. One group reported 3 successes over 7 years wherein two homosexuals decided to remain celibate and one bisexual after therapy is open to marrying the opposite sex. One group refused to give information, and one group made a referral elsewhere for an answer. The summary of this survey effort is part of the religious tolerance overview of reparative therapy we cited earlier.

• When we have asked practicing LDS reparative therapists for any kind of long term outcome data on their success, they seem not to have kept any records or they say they have been too busy to do so. This was the case when several of us questioned the most outspoken and prominent LDS therapist promoting these methods but at that time he had no systematic data to report.  He apparently now reports that he has worked with 300 clients and has recently published an article with another Mormon and one non-Mormon which we presume includes some of his clients.  We find it interesting that only 79 of these clients are Mormon.

• The non-Mormon is one of the most prominent reparative therapists on a national basis, Joseph Nicolosi, and he administers  an institute called NARTH.  NARTH recently published the results of this two-year study of 882 clients who had been treated by a group of 200 therapists and psychologists. NARTH, however, did not report the only data that really matter, namely the success rate of converting those with a homosexual orientation to a heterosexual orientation. Apparently there were 63% still in therapy (perhaps still hoping for positive outcomes) and there were no long term post-therapy data. The study suffers from a lack of adequate controls.  Nicolosi was brought to the University of Utah and BYU by a local LDS advocate of these methods, but Nicolosi refused to collaborate in a research project which would employ reputable research methods when a BYU professor invited him to do so.

• When these therapists report success rates of between 1/3 or 1/2 of their clients, they typically do not provide any concrete evidence as a measure of success or any objective, verifiable data.  They do not have information as to how their clients are faring after 2 or 5 years post therapy, which would be essential in any thorough-going assessment of the lasting effects of their methods. Furthermore, their data seem biased because they attract only the most motivated individuals or those who are persuaded by what we consider their misleading promotional material.

• The reports of positive outcomes are questionable because their research methods are neither scientific nor systematic.  In 1993, Byrd and Chamberlain among several LDS therapists, published a report on their findings.  Six clients were described, four male and two female.  One example they cite of a favorable outcome is typical: "Before, I experienced sexual attractions all the time, I thought about it a lot.  Now, sure, I can still be attracted, but it doesn't bother me as much.  I feel like I can deal with it...."  Such anecdotal reports are vague and don't indicate any real measurable change.

• The therapy itself is difficult to obtain and the practitioners who provide such therapy tend to be few and far between. We know of one city with twelve LDS stakes, in which over a several year period the pro-change group did not have anyone locally who could provide such therapy. Those who wished to obtain it had to travel to another city in that region.

• Certainly there is no one form of this therapy which is universally accepted. Jason Parks, a married Mormon dealing with same sex attraction, is presented as typical of the personal tesimonies of people who have tried the Evergreen approach. He writes that "Homosexuality wouldn't be so difficult to overcome if there were a step-by-step plan that everyone could follow." When one hears about the therapy used it tends to range from the extreme, such as the use of shock, to less invasive treatments where therapists ask clients to try to not dwell on the good looks of persons to whom they are attracted and instead sing hymns. The therapy nearly always is buttressed by scripture and involves efforts to rid persons of their sexual responses making them feel guilty and ashamed for feelings we believe are part of their basic sexual makeup.

• Recently we have been allowed to review an advance copy of a manuscript prepared by a University of Utah graduate student, Lee Beckstead, which is now submitted for possible publication in a peer reviewed journal. It involves 20 LDS clients who report that they have had a positive outcome from their reparative therapy.  In another paper now in process, a matched group of negative outcomes are to be reported.  The pattern of treatment here is similar to what we have observed in the past and as explained below we question the perception they have that the outcome is positive.  This report indicates clients have been persuaded that they are not gay or must change because their therapists have described gay people in extremely negative terms.  Fourteen of the 20 were married but those who were not seemed to feel that they must conform to church expectations including marriage or they would have their eternal progress blocked.  The main accomplishments of therapy seem to involve giving persons better self esteem and dealing with addictive behavior.  While helping a person deal with poor self esteem may be beneficial, it is unfortunate that negative caricatures of gay people commonly held within our culture are used to reinforce societal misinformation and motivate clients.  Rather than accept a label of being gay, clients had been persuaded they were not actually gay, but "just" same sex attracted.  They are taught that their same sex attractions are normal (heterosexual) unless they take on a sexual component (are sexualized) and then they are sinful and homosexual.   In reality, they are really being conditioned to eliminate their sexuality--since they tend to have little sexual response to the same sex.   The mental gymnastics take the form of clients saying things like they know they are really heterosexual but have an "emotional challenge." One gets the strong impression that these people have been victims of an abusive therapy process within an extremely homophobic culture.

• We have observed Evergreen in a variety of different contexts. We have been to several of their meetings,  their conferences, and read their literature. We've heard and read testimonials from some of their reported success cases such as the one cited above by Jason Parks.   A 1993 publication cited earlier has a report which concludes with six testimonials from Evergreen proponents recounting their "progress."  As one reads these testimonials, it is amazing that the reports tend to talk more about the persistence of homosexual feelings than about change.  One includes four long paragraphs (35 lines) describing repeated lapses and recurrences of same sex behavior such as this in the fourth paragraph:  "I later married and began a family.  I again fell to the temptation to masturbate as well as the homosexual fantasizing."  The final, fifth paragraph is three lines long and concludes with the simple statement "I am finally free and in control of my life."  There is no definite indication whether this person is truly free only that he "started the process" of reform about six years ago.  One has to wonder when in this process he became free and whether the sexual feelings will recur.  One of the other testimonials comes from another married man who likewise reports difficulty in honoring his marriage. "I was married with children, active in church, and yet very involved in homosexual activity."  Toward the end of this short report  we read as evidence of change that he now has "peace of mind."  But we wonder for how long such peace will last and whether we are dealing with long term success.  Two of the reports deal with men who are looking forward to impending marriages, and one reports:  "This process, though somewhat slow and deliberate, has helped me begin to see that just as God is there for us, we are here for each other."  This uncertain progress, however, does not prevent him from saying a few lines later that without the help of Evergreen and therapy and God "...my upcoming temple marriage would never have been feasible--not in my wildest dreams."  One wonders how the marriages turned out, because there is no indication here.  The fifth case report is equally absent of specifics and long term outcome data and the sixth case is from the mother of a gay man and has nothing to do with a change in sexual orientation.

• We find the scientific rigor of their efforts sadly lacking, partly because they seem so intent on using a theory of "weak father/male bonding" or early sexual abuse as all encompassing causative agents. These theories have little credibility in the scientific world.

• They are inclined to define sexual or "sexualized" feelings as sinful (rather than reserving the word "sin" for homosexual behavior) as Elder Oaks does.

• They tend to see sexually obsessive behavior as a characteristic of homosexuality without recognizing that obsessive behavior is really something that affects a minority of both homosexuals and heterosexual individuals. This causes those at Evergreen to feel that,  someone is cured because he or she has reduced or eliminated obsessive sexual behavior.

• Those who do speak directly to the issue of their sexual orientation emphasize a limited reduction in these feelings, but nearly all hasten to explain that they must maintain constant vigilance lest the sexual feelings come rushing back to overwhelm them.

• The other impression one gets as one interacts with the Evergreen group is that the great majority are married and struggling to save their marriages. Certainly, one can be sympathetic with therapy efforts designed to help individuals be true to their spouses and their children, particularly when many of them are dealing with impulses which draw them into irresponsible sexual behavior. In short, we have observed them describing "red herring" behaviors as homosexual and announcing cures with little real evidence of change. We have concluded that their athletic games, their male bonding activities, and their efforts to save marriages have little if anything to do with actually changing sexual orientation. Some homosexuals who are involved with Evergreen seem to make progress in coping with their sexual issues, but real and lasting change remains elusive. (see Lee Olsen)

• Beyond these general observations there are some very troubling spin-offs from these reparative therapy and Evergreen efforts. The marriage decision is a critical one and deserves careful consideration by unmarried persons wrestling with same sex issues. When one considers how much the therapy efforts and the Evergreen activities seem to be directed to making marriage possible or saving marriages one realizes that this is what motivates most people who undertake reparative therapy. They want to marry or stay married so they can carry on with their lives and stay in the church. We feel the issue of marriage should be resolved after coming to terms with the degree of homosexuality, but, unfortunately, the marriage and change issues tend to become hopelessly intertwined in the context of reparative therapy.

• In our view, this is one of the worst aspects of the therapy and Evergreen efforts. Namely, when the focus is on becoming acceptable to God through marriage and individuals are coerced and cajoled into believing that a slight diminishment in their homosexuality has put them on the path to a changed and new heterosexual identity, it can lead to devastating consequences.

• Another unfortunate characteristic of most reparative therapy efforts is the extent to which its proponents encourage these individuals to hate their sexual feelings in a type of therapy designed to neuter them. We are impressed by the comment of an author who has studied this subject extensively and who says near the bottom of a summary on NARTH, that he feels that "incredible damage has been done by psychiatrists, psychologists and other therapists as a result of unproven, unevaluated, experimental therapies" of this type.

• After talking with or surveying literally hundreds of persons who have tried reparative therapy and who are involved with Evergreen we are convinced that these people would be better off to accept the fact that homosexuality is an indelible part of their psyches and that their efforts should be not to banish their sexuality but come to friendly terms with it and determine the level of it and adjust to this reality. We're convinced that a careful reading of Elder Oaks 1995 article suggests the emphasis should be placed on controlling behavior if one chooses to maintain church activity and church worthiness, and that one can redirect one's feelings so that they do not lead to inappropriate thoughts or behavior. If one can control behavior and explore the degree of homosexuality, then one can make an appropriate decision about marriage. If there is a sufficient degree of bisexuality to accommodate heterosexual marriage, and the will to suppress same sex behavior, then a marriage may be feasible. But only the individual, through inspiration and without coercion should make such a decision and, of course, do so with consideration for and consultation with the others involved. And in that process there is really no need to hate one's sexuality or eliminate it.

• Our impressions have been reinforced by our contacts with others who have observed these efforts over time. It is difficult to find anyone who has a very favorable impression about these change or reparative activities, especially those who continue to follow the lives of the treated individuals over an extended time.

BISHOP TESTIMONIALS.   Several bishops who have had extensive experience with gay/lesbian Latter-day Saints have made thoughtful written reports on their observations about spiritual efforts of reorientation. Their accounts emphasize the fact  that sincere individuals often wrestle relentlessly to change their sexual orientation, but ultimately few, if any, seem able to change.   Other bishops report their observations in a discussion organized for presentation on this web site.
 

• One of these bishops  published an article summarizing his impressions  in 1986.  He described his experiences in attempting to help a number of individuals to change (identified as Clarke, Andy, Ned, Tad, Antonio, Kirt, Curtis, Dotty, Krista and Carla).  With none of them has he found lasting success. He concludes, "I have found that we really do not know enough about homosexuality to be dogmatic."  He asks, "Will our interventions or judgments hasten suicide?" and "Can determined repentance effectively eliminate homosexuality?"  He indicates he is still pondering these questions and  says that the church leaders he knows are generally cautious on these matters.  He senses they are also searching for answers.

• Bishop Robert Rees, who shepherded the Los Angeles singles ward for five years,  recently reported that of  the dozens of gay and lesbians he worked with only one or two remain active in the church.  In a recent talk to Family Fellowship Bishop Rees summarized his experience with his ward members and his impressions about therapy.

• Bishops Berryessa and Jarvis participated along with Bishop Rees in a Church Leaders Discussion  in order to share their experience in counseling gays and lesbians.  Two other bishops (Bishop Blair and Bishop Van Wagoner) added their experience in observing their son's extensive efforts to change.

THERAPISTS AND OTHER PROFESSIONALS DO NOT SUPPORT THERAPY:  We have also been able to consult with other professional therapists or researchers on therapy who have observed the change therapies for decades. One thesis by Elizabeth James at BYU in the 1960s reviewed more than 100 published studies. Most of this work was methodologically flawed and very little long-range outcome data were available. The data that were available tended to show a minority of individuals who were capable of reorientation although the nature of the reorientation was often vaguely described. One researcher, a BYU professor has recently reported to us that he does not believe anyone actually changes but that they often learn to cope better.  Dr. Gary Watts, an MD has discussed change therapy as part of a talk on the misinformation that people have on homosexuality. Our other examinations of therapy efforts and research in this area are perhaps of interest (Footnote A) but do not change the overwhelming impression we have that such therapy is not feasible or practical for young unmarried Mormons, and can only be entertained in the case of married persons and even then management of feelings but not real change of orientation can be expected.
 

 SUMMARY:  The forgoing information helps those of us in Family Fellowship determine our recommendations and goals in this matter.  We are convinced based on all of this evidence that change is not an option for the gay and lesbian young people growing up in the Church.  We recognize that the implications of this are profound.  They are explained in the Religious Tolerance summary on therapy.

"As knowledge of sexual orientation increases, we expect that a consensus will form that adult sexual orientation is unchangeable, and that only bisexuals can decide to change their sexual activity from one gender to the other. Hopefully, the ministries which offer conversion therapy will, in time, drop their attempts to convert people's sexual orientation. They will probably begin to focus on convincing homosexuals that God wishes them to abstain from all sexual activity, and to live a life of loneliness.

This will be a painful transition for conservative Christians. Many of their recent activities to deny equal rights for gays and lesbians have been based upon the belief that homosexuality is a chosen and reversible choice.... As they gradually acknowledge that sexual orientation is not 'catching,' the theoretical justification for many of their discriminatory actions evaporates. "

We feel it is important for those parents who have watched their children try to change, to share that experience with others and with church leaders through this web site.  Such reports can be sent to schorona@isu.edu marked "Change/Change Therapy" to allow posting on this site.  Eventually, church members all over the world will have to recognize that change is not possible, when confronted with the scientific evidence and the growing number of good church families, including general authorities, regional representatives, mission presidents, stake presidents, Relief Society presidents, bishops, temple officiators,  and others who speak to the failed change efforts of their children.  Evergreen and LDS Family Services will have to accept this information if they are ever going to be a safe place for our children to receive help.  They will have to cease their efforts that shame these persons for having sexual feelings, leaving them despondent and discouraged,  and place their focus on helping homosexuals accept unchangeable feelings and instead make efforts to control their behavior.  When that time comes we will all understand that some bisexuals may be able to emphasize their opposite sex attractions and cope in marriage, but that those who are fully homosexual cannot.  For that reason, these organizations will have their major role with bisexuals and those few homosexuals who choose a life of celibacy.  When that time comes we will also be able to have a rational discussion about the choices our children face.  With our children and our church leaders whom we both love and respect we will be able to consider what it is to live an entire life of celibacy without companionship and without the God-given gift of sexual expression, and what other choices there might be.