Plato wrote about poetry in relation this concept of the ideal.  He looked on reality rather differently than we do today;  instead of seeing reality in the world of the senses, Plato believed that the highest reality existed in an imagined ideal, perfect ideas or forms, rather than in physical manifestations.  In this manner of thinking, reality and perfection exist only in the imagination, and the world of the senses and the body is second-rate, a copy of the true reality.   For instance, a chair carefully built by a master carpenter is to Plato a mere copy of the perfect, ideal, but imaginary chair.

Plato carried his logic farther, stating that a poem which utilizes the world of the senses is a copy of a copy, and therefore exists in a third-degree relationship to the perfect or ideal form found in imagination.  Using our chair analogy, a chair mentioned in a poem is just a copy of the carpenter's chair, which is in turn a copy of the non-real, imaginary ideal chair.

Plato believed that since the poet leads men away from reality, he should be cast out of the city, or at the very least severely censored and limited to writing harmless verses in praise of the state.  Although Plato's ideas form the foundation of contemporary western art criticism, few people today take seriously the need to cast out writers because they make copies of ideal forms.

The concept of freedom of speech protects writers in much of the world today, but must be carefully preserved. The persecution of writer Salman Rushdie by Iranian death squads provides a vivid example of censorship by intimidation of an author.  Rushdie went into hiding after Iranian Moslem fundamentalists objected to ideas contained in his novel The Satanic Verses.  Such intimidation affects all writers negatively.

Although outdated politically by recent gains in worldwide issues of human rights, Plato's concept of the ideal can help us understand the process of revision.

Every piece of writing has an imagined ideal content and form, but in searching for words to express ideas and emotions, the writer may not at first see the ideal clearly, leading to mistakes in the process of copying it down.  Also, the writer's ideal may not be congruent with the reader's ideal, so revision becomes a dual task:  expressing the writer's meaning in ways the reader can understand.

At every stage of revision, audience input helps guide the writer toward perfection.  Don't be shy about asking family, friends, and other writers to read your work.  Take note of their reactions for clues to help you revise your writing.  Of course, Mom will say, "That's lovely, darling.  I like everything you do."  Perhaps Mom is not your best critic, but she can build your self-esteem like no one else.  You may have to solicit useful advice.  Work your audience a bit:  ask probing questions like "What didn't you understand?" to get past their compliments.  Gradually you will learn which readers give you kind but helpful feedback.

Beginning writers often lose heart when they read the work of others.  How will they ever be able to write so beautifully?  Their own first attempts are clumsy and opaque, fit only for the circular file.  Good writers know a secret:  write a rough draft and then revise for perfection.  A rough draft is just that, an imperfect version, a vision, unclear and from a distance, of what the final piece will be.  After finishing a rough draft, the writer must consider what he or she wants this piece of writing to do.  The rough draft points the way, and the writer uses successive revisions to get closer to the ideal form and content.  Two good guides exist for the writer stumbling in the wilderness of revision.  The first is the interaction between form and content, and the writer should attempt to mold and merge form and content until they are seamless.  The second guide is audience reaction.  Honest feedback from readers helps the writer understand what and how to revise.

Revision includes activities such as restructuring major ideas, rewriting on the paragraph and sentence level, editing, proofreading, and self-evaluation.  At first the writer focuses on pruning away digressions, taking out what doesn't contribute to unity, adding information where necessary for the reader.  Such major restructuring should emphasize the controlling idea of the piece, the purpose behind the writing.  At this stage of revision, the writer focuses on the beginning and ending of the piece, as well as the movement of ideas in the middle, smoothing the bumps and unifying the concepts.  Example 11.2 shows the process of revision, using a few lines of poetry.  However, every piece of writing requires this sort of careful attention to controlling idea.

1.  Rough Draft
Early winter, signaled by last week's snow on mountain
now blanketed by unseasonable cold and snow we hover
indoors feeding log after log into the woodstove
bake pumpkin bread and boil winter vegetable soup
in the evening scented candles burn and we look
at our reflections mirrored in windows while outside
the snow falls, making its own pale radiance.

2.  Revision
Early winter, this year snow on Scout Mountain predicted
October blanket of unseasonable cold and snow.  Mornings we
huddle indoors, feed log after log into the woodstove, measure
the wood remaining in the pile.  Afternoons we bake pumpkin,
read, boil winter vegetable soup to keep off the chill.
n the evenings when scented candles burn we gaze mournfully
at our reflections mirrored in windows.  Just beyond warmth,
snow continues to fall, emitting its own cool radiance.

When the all parts of the writing focus toward the controlling idea, the next step is to fine-tune smaller elements like vocabulary.  Finding the single best word to put in the one best place, the writer's words must be appropriate to both the subject of the writing and the audience.  For instance, in Example 11.2, the writer substituted huddle for hover and gaze mournfully for look. Do these changes make a difference in the tone and attitude of the poem?  The writer wanted to stress the grief and sadness and fear of this time, and the new words are more passive and helpless than the old.  For after all, aren't we helpless to stop the changing of seasons?  Work through Example 11.3, trying to choose the one best word for each blank space.  When you finish, analyze why you made each choice.

1. Margaret   a   she should hurry home, but the   b   afternoon seemed so golden, the sunlight almost like   c   pouring down, and she wanted her walk to go on   d  .
 a) knew, thought, suspected, believed
 b) autumn, fall, beautiful, late
 c) apple pie, warm fuzzies, butterscotch, friendship
 d) all day, forever, for hours, indefinitely

2. Where was she? Jamey stood   a   the door of the house frowning.  Mom was never   b  .  "Mom!" he shouted as he   c   on the door with his   d  .  "Where are you?"
 a) near, next to, around, outside
 b) late, tardy, gone, missing
 c) pounded, hammered, banged, smashed
 d) hand, elbow, head, fist

3. Margaret heard Jamey   a   from the next block.    b   flooded through her as she glanced at her watch.  Three thirty, the school bus had dropped off her son   c   ago.  She quickened her  d  , then began to run.
 a) yelling, shouting, crying, screaming
 b) Anger, Guilt, Shame, Fear
 c) ten minutes, three hours, so long, just a minute
 d) step, walking, pace, speed

4. Jamey   a   in front of the door, head down,   b  .  She was   c,  Mom was gone.    d   might never see her again.
 a) stood, crouched, lay, hunkered
 b) sniffling, sobbing, howling, crying
 c) missing, gone, away, somewhere else.
 d) He, Jamey, The boy

5. "Jamey,   a  , I'm home.  Everything's okay."  Margaret   b   her son into her arms,   c   him   d  .
 a) dear child, honey, son, little boy
 b) gathered, pulled, grabbed, squeezed
 c) holding, hugging, folding, keeping
 d) tight, close, near, hard

6. "Mom, where were you?  I was   a  ."  Jamey pushed back and   b   his index finger at her.  "You should always tell me when you go   c   to play and when you'll be   d  ."
 a) scared, worried, afraid, frightened
 b) shook, waved, scolded, pointed
 c) out, away, somewhere, off
 d) back, home, here, finished

Flagrant errors of grammar should also be corrected during this stage of revision.  The writer should choose accurate nouns, and make sure that pronoun references and the number of people referred to are correct.  A pronoun should always refer to a particular antecedent, and nouns and pronouns should agree in number.  For instance, the image of several hundred students squeezing into one car seems quite humorous and thus is easily noticed by the writer.

1. All the students (2+) from Poky High got into their (2+) car (1) and cruised Yellowstone.
 Students from Poky High climbed into their cars and cruised Yellowstone Avenue.

2.   No one (1) thought their (2+) writing was finished.
 None of the writers thought their projects were finished.

The second example is more subtle, yet close examination reveals that no one is a singular form, while the pronoun their refers to two or more people.  The changes reflect some ways of solving these problems, although other ways might read even better.

All writers struggle with verbs.  We write and then rewrite, always striving for the right balance of active voice.  Active voice refers to the use of verbs without helper words such as the various forms of to be and to have.  The writer must remember that spoken language frequently uses forms of to be (am, is, are, was, were) and to have (have, has, had), but written English, especially narration, grows stronger with the deletion of these empty helpers and the addition of meaning-laden active verbs.  Read through Example 11.5 and practice rewriting the verbs into active forms.  Sometimes the entire sentence must be rewritten to make the verb active.

Examples

 a) The children were wanting to ride their bikes.
                wanted
 b) Julie is hoping to win the race.
                hopes
 c) "The class is progressing well."
  (Leave as is -- dialogue.)
 d) One goal of writing is conserving the ideas and
        experiences of a time in history.
    Writing preserves ideas and experiences.
 e) The book was placed on the shelf by an unknown person.
    An unknown person placed the book on the shelf.
 

Try It Yourself

1.  Henry was inspecting his kitchen.  The dampness had taken over, and big scabs of fungus were growing across one wall.
2.  Moosha was digging in her garden.  She was putting in broccoli and cauliflower shoots.
3.  Henry is disgusted by the fungus.  He has been thinking about asking his neighbor Moosha for advice.  Now he is feeling positive hat something must be done.
4.  Moosha is feeling cramps in her legs.  She is standing up to stretch.  Henry is walking up the driveway.
5.  "Say Moosha, I got this problem."  He is taking off his hat, and then he is standing there in front of her.  "Fungus is growing right across the ceiling.  Must be the damp weather."

Errors in verb tense should also be corrected during revision.  Many writers never have a problem with verb tense.  Their writing just naturally flows in either present or past tense, with no mixups.  Unfortunately, those who make errors in verb tense have the most trouble correcting those errors because they just do not see the jumps back and forth in time between past and present.  However, a bit of study and practice cures this problem.  During revision of the draft, the writer should eyeball each verb, thinking carefully about the overall tense of the piece of writing.  Are the events occurring right now?  Or did they happen some time in the past?

Gradually, skill in detecting changes in tense grows, but those who have a problem in this area should always check carefully for verb tense when rewriting.  Example 11.6 will help you recognize and correct errors in verb tense.  One good way to practice is to take a piece of writing and change the tense, either to all past or all present.  Remember, the rule is to choose one tense and stick with it.  However, if you experiment with time deliberately, tense changes which enhance and emphasize the content of the writing may be acceptable.  The rule is that you must have a plot reason for any change of tense

1.  Mixed tenses

Susan wanted to go to Salt Lake, but Maria decides she likes Boise better.  They argued all day and still they cannot come to an agreement.  Finally, they decided to go to Salt Lake City this weekend and Boise next weekend.  Maria keeps on grumbling, but she knew she will have a good time.

2.  All present tense
 Susan wants to go to Salt Lake, but Maria decides she likes Boise better.  They argue all day and still they cannot agree.  Finally, they decide to go to Salt Lake City this weekend and Boise next weekend.  Maria keeps on grumbling, but she knows she will have a good time.

3.  All past tense
 Susan wanted to go to Salt Lake, but Maria decided she liked  Boise better.  They argued all day and still they could not agree.  Finally, they decided to go to Salt Lake City this weekend and Boise next weekend.  Maria kept on grumbling, but she knew she would have a good time.

Adjectives modify nouns and adverbs modify verbs.  Both types of words can be useful, but they may also lead to grave weaknesses in writing.  Many writers string marvelous, colorful, descriptive, particularizing adjectives together in an attempt to be descriptive.  Others sloppily, carelessly, and unthinkingly substitute combinations of verbs and adverbs for concise active verbs.  One well-chosen adjective often enhances a sentence, but if you find yourself hanging two or three adjectives in front of every noun, you're overdoing.  Example 11.7 shows overuse of adjectives and adverbs.  Revise the paragraph below, eliminating all the underlined words, then put back one or two important adjectives.  You may have to change some nouns and verbs to make your wording more exact, but the finished paragraph will be spare, concise, and beautiful.

The red, gold, and brown leaves drift slowly and patiently to earth.  Meanwhile, the snowsuited, hatted, mittened and booted children enthusiastically rake the many-colored and brilliant leaves into big, fluffy piles.  Then the happy, loudly screaming children run wildly and jump over and over again into the disintegrating, collapsing, dispersing piles of once-beautiful but now ruined leaves.

Redundancy often occurs with overuse of adjectives and adverbs.  Writers with too many words also tend to repeat themselves in phrases and sentences, as though more and more will help the reader understand.  Actually, the reverse is true.  Readers prefer clean, spare, plain-spoken language.  The careful writer cuts fat, never saying anything twice.  Words which do not develop both the form and the idea of the writing should be eliminated or changed.  Sometimes deleting part of a writing feels like cutting off a hand or foot, but a marvelous phrase or a beautiful wording is not lost forever; use it some day in another piece.  If you see a bit of fat that's so juicy you just can't bear to part with it, save that wording in your journal on a special redundancy list for use another time.

Look for unnecessary material first at the beginning and end of a piece.  Often the writer needs a few lines or paragraphs or pages to get into and out of a writing, but the reader gets along fine without those ideas.  Be merciless in eliminating unnecessary exposition and summary.  Writers who fail to cut these areas bore readers with long, meaningless introductions and endings which ramble on forever and never quite finish.  Then go through and take out smaller redundancies:  words, phrases, sentences.  Two sentences which say the same thing may be combined, and often this tactic produces a tight and concise wording.  Practice your skills on Example 11.8.  Cut the fat down to the bones, add a few details where necessary, and rewrite this flabby paragraph into a finished, and much shorter, piece.

This article tells about the recreational opportunities in the state of Idaho.  Idaho has a lot of recreational opportunities in the summer, fall, winter, and spring.  In the summer, you can go camping, hiking, fishing, rafting, rock climbing.  In the autumn, hunting is very popular with citizens of Idaho.  It is possible to hunt big game like deer, antelope, elk, moose, mountain lion, and mountain sheep.  Other people like to hunt birds, including grouse, pheasant, duck, and geese.  Then  in the winter in Idaho people like to get outdoors in the cold and snowmobile or ski.  There are many good trails for snowmobiling all over the state of Idaho.  Cross country skiers have their trails, and some people even like to ski into the backcountry and camp overnight or stay in yurts.  Many winter resorts in the state of Idaho offer downhill skiing, along with snowboarding and other types of recreation.  Some people like helicopter skiing.  You fly into the backcountry on a helicopter with a guide, and then you ski down mountains just covered with fresh powder.  Just when you've had enough of cold and snow, the state of Idaho warms up and spring skiing starts.  Spring skiing can give you quite a sunburn, and some people even ski in shorts during the spring skiing season.  Yes, the state of Idaho offers many recreational opportunities for summer, fall, winter, and spring.

The writer should also look for thin spots during revision.  Where does the poem need more detail?  Does the article jump from one idea to the next without transitions?  Fleshing out writing seems more difficult than cutting fat, but as the writer goes over the piece repeatedly, form and content unite and gradually the writing becomes whole and perfect.  The trick is to get plenty of detail without veering off into wordiness.  Rewrite the short dialogue in Example 11.9, adding information where necessary.  You may turn this piece into a story or a short performance piece, but whichever you choose, keep your rewrite spare and concise.  Use setting and nonverbal communication to enhance the meaning of the exchange.

Old Henry felt sick.  "Help," he yelled.
No one answered.
"Help," he said.
"What's wrong?"
"I need help."
"Do you have a problem?"
"I feel sick."
"Ah, I see.  Well, let's do something about it."
"You're going to help me?"
"If I can."

Revision includes combining and separating paragraphs and sentences so that the form of the writing enhances the meaning by pulling together like ideas and setting off those which are different.  Melodic prose rhythm results from skillful use of paragraphs and sentences.  For instance, long paragraphs and sentences slow the reader's progress, leading to a parallel slowing of the reader's sense time.  Unfortunately, too many long sentences in a row, as well as long paragraphs without breaks, tend to put the reader to sleep.  If your paragraphs tend to be longer than 1/3 to 1/2 page, look for places to break them into shorter segments.  Short sentences and paragraphs keep the reader moving.  They work well in action scenes.  However, a series of short sentences produces choppiness.

The writer must adapt and balance paragraphs and sentences to give the reader's eyes and brain a rest, while at the same time accentuating meaning.

Write a very short story, only a page in length, which describes a fight between two characters.  Use longer sentences and paragraphs at the beginning, then shorten sentences and paragraphs as tension grows and action speeds up.  After the crisis, lengthen sentences again to slow down the action.

Poetry, prose, and scripts require attention to various points during revision, and the four holistic evaluation guides in Appendix II list some qualities you may want to consider when evaluating your writing.  All types of writing should engage the reader and show rather than tell. Poets frequently revise their work with close attention to images, lines, rhythm, sound, form, and figures of speech.  Writers of prose should look for cause and effect relationships between events, vivid characterization, real-sounding dialogue, images of the world of the story or article, a consistent point of view, and form which enhances meaning.  Dramatists should consider the above points and also pay attention to stage business.

Good writing deserves a neat manuscript, and the writer should look carefully at mechanical details such as proper manuscript format.  After completing major revisions of structure, the writer must go over the manuscript, checking for errors of punctuation and spelling which might look sloppy or amateurish to an editor.  Some editors refuse to read manuscripts which contain many mechanical errors.  At this point, a computer spell-check can be useful, although spell-check programs will not catch errors of meaning or word confusions, such as homonyms like there-they're-their.

How do you know when a writing is finished?  Sometimes a writer cannot let a particular piece go; more problems or errors crop up, and the writer never feels satisfied.  As long as you find things you would change, a poem or story or play or article is not finished.  When you put a revised piece away for days or weeks or months, then reread it and find nothing you would change, that writing most likely is finished.

However, you should not decide to let a piece of writing go without soliciting some sort of audience reaction, even if that audience is only Mom, a good friend, or a member of your writers' workshop.  Your readers may suggest changes which will improve your writing even more.  On the other hand, if after numerous careful revisions you feel strongly that you have achieved perfection, then the comments of readers may not be valid.  When you are truly and deeply satisfied with a piece of writing, you should begin to look for publishing opportunities.

Example 11.11 contains four versions of "Unobtrusive Pedagogue" by Mary Ann Knust.  Read the first three versions, revising each one as if it were your poem.  How close does your revision come to Mary Ann's final version?

1.  First Draft

He came quietly into the noisy room.  No one heard the squeak of his left shoe as he began his slow walk.  The swish of his faded corduroy slacks seemed to be saying "Sh-h-h-h to the boisterous group.  A scent of pipe tobacco trailed after him.  His eyes surveyed the crowd over a pair of bifocals that hung perilously close to the tip of his nose.  It was a wonder that he hadn't noticed the stain on his shirt through such fine eyewear.  He slipped the glasses off and began to clean them with his tie.  Satisfied that he could see through them he put them back on and ran his hand through his salt and pepper hair that appeared to have been combed with an eggbeater.  As if by magic the room became silent.  "Good morning class," he began.

2.  Revision

 The Unobtrusive Pedagogue

Quietly he entered the room
Squeaking of his left shoe unnoticed by
the boisterous group
Faded, favorite cords swish. . .seeming to sh-h-h-h them
Soothing scent of pipe tobacco trailing after him
He cleans his bifocals with his garish tie
Finger-combs his salt and pepper hair
Suddenly, as if by magic, silence settles on the room
"Good morning class" he begins.

3.  Another Revision

The Unobtrusive Pedagogue

Quietly he enters the room
Squeaking of his left shoe unnoticed
by the boisterous
Faded, favorite cords swish
Seeming to sh-h-h-h them
Soothing scent of pipe tobacco trailing
He cleans his bifocals with his garish tie
Finger-combs his salt and pepper hair
Suddenly, as if by magic, silence settles over the room
"Good morning class," he begins.

4.  Final Version

Unobtrusive Pedagogue

Quietly he enters the room
Squeaking of left shoe
Unnoticed by boisterous group.
Faded, favorite cords swish
As if to sh-h-h-h them.
Soothing scent of pipe
Tobacco trailing after him
He cleans bifocals with his garish tie
Finger-combs salt and pepper hair.
Suddenly, by magic, silence settles.
"Good morning class," he begins.

As Mary Ann reread her poem she saw how to change the words on the page to make them closer to her ideal.  Eventually, she produced a fine poem.

You possess a natural critical sense which you can draw on when revising your work.  Although an inner critic can sometimes be harsh and punishing, you can also tame your critic and request help in improving your writing.  The following guided imagery exercise will help you recognize, tame, and use your innate critical abilities.

1. Describe Plato's concept of the ideal.  Did he find perfection in the world or the imagination?

2. How can an understanding of the relationship between the ideal and the real help writers during the revision process?

3. Do you believe the myth of the perfect first draft?  Describe your feelings about drafts and revisions.

4. Why should each piece of writing have a controlling idea?  How does the writer find and develop such a structure?

5. Write a few examples of ineffective word choice, then revise these sentences so that each word is the one best word.

6. How does incorrect pronoun usage lead to unwanted laughter?

7. Define the term active voice.  Why are active verbs more effective?

8. What is an error in verb tense?  How are such errors corrected?

9. What happens when a writer uses too many modifiers (adjectives and adverbs)?  Write a few sentences, then rewrite these sentences, packing them with adjectives and adverbs.  Do you like the result?  Why or why not?

10. Why should you cut the fat off your writing?

11. The opposite problem is too little material.  What techniques help flesh out a skimpy piece of writing?

12. Like poetry, prose has rhythm.  How can prose rhythm be adjusted during revision?

13. When a writer says, "I'm finished," what does he or she mean?

14. A kind but strong inner critic can help a writer revise skillfully.  What techniques help tame a harsh and punish critic?

Look through your rough drafts and choose one piece of writing to revise into a final version.  Read through this writing twice, and then set it nearby, along with a pen.

Get comfortable, relax, close your eyes and concentrate on breathing deeply and slowly.  Go to your special imaginary place, relax there, and look around you, just enjoying being at peace in this happy place.

When you are ready, imagine a point of light in your mind, at first very tiny but then growing larger and larger.  As this light grows bigger, it fades, leaving behind a figure, a friendly being who offers to help you with your writing.

Shake hands with this figure, welcome it into your life, and then bring to mind the piece of writing you want to revise.  Visualize this writing, the pages and paragraphs and lines.  See the beautiful phrases, the carefully chosen words, the ideas you want to express.  Let your friendly inner critic look over your shoulder.

Next look for places you want to change, the fat places you should cut, word choices which might be more exact, sentences which need adjustment for rhythm.  Allow your inner critic to "read with a pencil" and point out to you places where your writing needs revision.

Think about how beautiful your manuscript will be when it is finished, and hold in your mind that image of perfection.

When you have a clear vision of how your finished writing will be, bid your critic goodbye until next time.

Alone in your special place once again, relax for a few moments and just enjoy being there.  When you feel ready, take a deep breath, open your eyes, and stretch.

Now use the suggestions of your inner critic to help you revise your writing so that it will be closer to your ideal.