Bishop Ron Jarvis

      Ron Jarvis recently completed a five year term as Bishop in the Escondido First Ward in North San Diego County.  He currently serves as ward mission leader and he and Irene are the parents of six children and five grandchildren.  Ron is a retired District Attorney for the County of San Diego.

This page contains relevant experience and advice reported by a church  leader.
Our son has been what he was born to be since he was born.  We both noted his development and wondered, for we both had experience with homosexuals as a reality in our time overseas and feared from an early age that Ben might be gay.  Neither of us ever really thought the Lord would  deal us such a "low blow."  We had striven to do what was expected of us all of our lives, though we both insisted on thinking our own thoughts for as long as we have been associated with each other.  Our children are likewise, independent.  Ben was always sensitive to others, lived the principles of the gospel as a reality; whereas, many of his peers, including three of his five brothers, were willing to push the outer limits.  Our children are born leaders and with exception of the shyness in our hearing impaired son, are quite willing to face down opposition.  Ben was not afraid to do so, but he did not seek conflict as some of our sons did.  He always reached out to the outcast, helped the one who was left out, and felt a deep love for the Lord, the church, and people.  He has always enjoyed a sense of humor, sometimes a bit ribald, even to Primary teachers at an early age, and a seminary teacher who was gullible enough to accept his story about having cancer as an excuse for being late or absent.  His humor was always good natured.  I don't believe he ever intentionally hurt anyone; from a young age he spoke out against violence and the instruments of violence, to the consternation of his brothers whose encounters were sometimes physical.

Ben was motivated to serve and did so with passion and detail, whether staging a production for church or school or in a leadership capacity.  He was the person one always likes to have around when the party is over, for he assumed responsibility to make sure things were done and the site clean before he left.  He was excited about his mission call to Japan and went through the language training, then got "sick" and was reassigned to South Dakota where he served part of his mission before being sent home ill. He did not acknowledge his homosexuality for several years after that and attended some therapy sessions with Church Social Services.

Ben hoped he could change all the time he attended therapy, even after he "came out."  As recently as two years ago he "wished" he could feel attraction to one of his female friends, an outstanding young woman who is a true friend and one we would welcome as a daughter-in-law.  All of his "girlfriends" were of high caliber.  All of them loved Ben; one even tried to enlist Irene's support to carry the debate to Ben so he would marry her.  She is still a firm friend, though married to someone else.

Those who are homosexual in their orientation never leave the realization that life would be sweeter for them if they could change, could fit in, could be like all the other families.  No matter how well accepted they are, they are different.  They do not fit into "the Plan."  They cannot have families in the same way others have families, i.e. procreating children between themselves as a loving couple.  I have never met anyone who would not change if it was possible.  In my heart of hearts I am convinced that everyone I know would do so.

We are acquainted with one "poster child" of change.  The present tragedy is as  troubling as the former hateful status, for the former status seems to have returned.   Several children and a distraught wife later, the changeling is in the process of divorce which enlists church leadership and produces more than a little confusion as the children who do not know are shielded and the rope suspending that family above ruin frays, one strand at a time.